I dream about him everyday...and if I don't have a dream, I think about him everyday. I just had a dream about him now, so in order to accurately remember the details, I'm sitting here in my bed at three a.m. typing this out. I hate that...when you have a dream, and the next day, you do something totally random that reminds you of it...only, you can't really remember what exactly happened...they say you should keep a "journal" next to your bed and record the dreams you want to remember. I'm not that cool, so instead, I'm just going to blog about it...it's about that time that I write something anyway, so here it is.
In the dream I just had, I woke up. I walked out of the bedroom of my child hood home on Mulligan. I look to the left...the kitchen is pitch dark. This scares me even more, because in the dream, I had just had a bad dream (level 2...if you've watched Inception, you know what I mean, SARAH!) Anyway, the kitchen is dark...so I run the 14 feet to the left and go into his bedroom. I'm crying...I'm little again. "I miss my mommy!" They are both asleep, but as he did so many times before, when I'd ask him to sit with me, he gets up, and takes me into the t.v. room. He has a mug of coffee...haha, always had coffee. The house is exactly as I remember it...it's not some weird hybrid that dreams often come up with. He puts his coffee down on the little wicker stand that is under our window. I put the pillow down on the couch and turn on the t.v. Alf is on...at least the dream is even keeping up with the times. I lay down on his lap, and feel safe, comfortable, and certain that he will always be as strong as he is right now.
I felt that he'd always be this way in the dream I had last night too...this one I only remembered this morning, way after the fact. I kept thinking about him, not that it is odd, but I felt like there was a reason that I kept thinking about it. Then I remembered it. The details of this dream are super vague, but I remember that I gave him two kisses...I never only gave him just one. Especially at the end when I wasn't sure if I'd see him again the next day. I gave him two kisses on the cheek. His face felt the same as it always did...needing a shave, even though I had just given him one earlier in the day. And he is smiling...always smiling. But, in the dream I have forethought. I know I need to kiss him twice because I know that he will not always be strong. For some reason in this dream, I know that I need to kiss him twice, because in the near future, he may not remember me. He probably won't remember me. Maybe he won't talk anymore...he'll still smile, but he'd smile if someone had a gun to his head, so that doesn't even mean he remembers me. Always kiss him twice, because maybe tomorrow, they will call and say he's gotten worse...or something even worse than that....but what is worse than that at this point?
If you don't know me well enough, this post is just the ramblings of a crazy person. If you know what I'm talking about, then I'm sorry this is so depressing. It's 3:40 a.m., the same time the clock read in the dream I just had...what does that mean? Probably not a damn thing...but instead of saying "I miss my mommy," I'm going back to bed thinking, "I miss my papa."
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Thursday, August 16, 2012
It's a Semi-Sappy Kinda Day...
So I guess I'm in some weird sentimental kind of mood today...not sure what the deal is...all hormones are accounted for, so I guess it's just me being a huge sap for some reason. Que sera, sera....(what I want my wrist tattoo to say.)
Anyway, I was thinking today about how many friends we acquire over the years, that we swear to God will be our friends forever. Nothing can ever split you apart. Not boys, jobs, distance...nothing. But I suppose that is the mentality we have when we are in grade school. The time in our lives where naivety is secure and safe, and the reality of making and losing 100 friends over the course of the next 10 years seems to be an impossibility. You spend days, nights, weekends, talking about EVERYTHING with these people. Life, the future, the past, the present, the "never will bes..." All that shit that you swear they will be there to see and hold your hand through.
But then you grow up. They grow up. You get older, wiser, smarter, more mature, less mature, move on, stand still...and sometimes, they don't follow you. Or you don't follow them. Either way, you're now worlds apart. You might think about them from time to time, and them you. You'll definitely think about them now that you read this blubbering blog. You'll wonder what they are doing, or maybe you know and don't care. Or wonder and still do care. Or have Facebook to stalk them with, so you're always in the loop. Either way, these people have left an imprint on your life. It doesn't matter if they have held your hand this whole time...they have made you who your are, and you who they are. And if they haven't made you into the amazing human you are today, there is probably a reason you don't talk to them anymore.
All I know is, I have made and lost dozens of friends over the years...but the people I want in my life are right where I want them to be. Holding my hand when I need them to, no matter what.
Anyway, I was thinking today about how many friends we acquire over the years, that we swear to God will be our friends forever. Nothing can ever split you apart. Not boys, jobs, distance...nothing. But I suppose that is the mentality we have when we are in grade school. The time in our lives where naivety is secure and safe, and the reality of making and losing 100 friends over the course of the next 10 years seems to be an impossibility. You spend days, nights, weekends, talking about EVERYTHING with these people. Life, the future, the past, the present, the "never will bes..." All that shit that you swear they will be there to see and hold your hand through.
But then you grow up. They grow up. You get older, wiser, smarter, more mature, less mature, move on, stand still...and sometimes, they don't follow you. Or you don't follow them. Either way, you're now worlds apart. You might think about them from time to time, and them you. You'll definitely think about them now that you read this blubbering blog. You'll wonder what they are doing, or maybe you know and don't care. Or wonder and still do care. Or have Facebook to stalk them with, so you're always in the loop. Either way, these people have left an imprint on your life. It doesn't matter if they have held your hand this whole time...they have made you who your are, and you who they are. And if they haven't made you into the amazing human you are today, there is probably a reason you don't talk to them anymore.
All I know is, I have made and lost dozens of friends over the years...but the people I want in my life are right where I want them to be. Holding my hand when I need them to, no matter what.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
You Can Help Stop White Trash...click here to learn!
If any of you know me, you know I like some BAAADD t.v. Anything crappy and "reality" is subject to my viewing. My dad even jokes about it. My boyfriend makes fun of me daily for it. It's terrible and I know it. It's my guilty pleasure. Dr. Phil, OWN Network, Judge Judy, you name it! But, there is one show I will NEVER, EVER, EVER watch, and I am pleading to you, as my friends, fellow Americans, and normal, prideful human beings, to not give it ratings either.
The show in question is something or other, "Honey Boo Boo." I don't care enough to even look up the actual title. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's this horrible show that is a spin off from an equally horrible show, Toddlers in Tiaras. Yes, I did watch this show (Toddlers in Tiaras) back in the day, until I realized the tragedy of it. In fact, the family that is on this spin off is what made me realize how atrocious this show truly is.
This family is not only completely appalling, trashy, and disgusting, but they are pimping out their young daughter, (not sure of her actual age) and raising her to be obnoxious, mouthy, and in a few words, the epitome of white trash. Yes, I am using the phrase white trash because that is exactly what these people are. Disagree, watch the trailer.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/terrifying-extended-trailer-for-the-new-honey-boo
To make matters worse, TLC is the network broadcasting this show....didn't one used to learn shit back in the day from THE LEARNING CHANNEL? There used to be biographies and animals and actual shows with substance on this network...then Animal Planet came along, and the Bio channel, and TLC turned into the Maury Povich of networks.
I will attach the link below to the "extended trailer (as in trash)" to the Honey Boo Boo disaster that is to air at some point this fall. It is my plea to you to not watch this show after you witness the train wreck you are about to see. Unfortunately, this minute and some odd seconds of your life you won't get back...but hopefully, it will save you much more time in the near future, not wasting it watching a mother, much resembling Shrek, talk about her "baby daaddy" and her child talking about her older sister being her favorite "boo..."
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/terrifying-extended-trailer-for-the-new-honey-boo
The show in question is something or other, "Honey Boo Boo." I don't care enough to even look up the actual title. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's this horrible show that is a spin off from an equally horrible show, Toddlers in Tiaras. Yes, I did watch this show (Toddlers in Tiaras) back in the day, until I realized the tragedy of it. In fact, the family that is on this spin off is what made me realize how atrocious this show truly is.
This family is not only completely appalling, trashy, and disgusting, but they are pimping out their young daughter, (not sure of her actual age) and raising her to be obnoxious, mouthy, and in a few words, the epitome of white trash. Yes, I am using the phrase white trash because that is exactly what these people are. Disagree, watch the trailer.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/terrifying-extended-trailer-for-the-new-honey-boo
To make matters worse, TLC is the network broadcasting this show....didn't one used to learn shit back in the day from THE LEARNING CHANNEL? There used to be biographies and animals and actual shows with substance on this network...then Animal Planet came along, and the Bio channel, and TLC turned into the Maury Povich of networks.
I will attach the link below to the "extended trailer (as in trash)" to the Honey Boo Boo disaster that is to air at some point this fall. It is my plea to you to not watch this show after you witness the train wreck you are about to see. Unfortunately, this minute and some odd seconds of your life you won't get back...but hopefully, it will save you much more time in the near future, not wasting it watching a mother, much resembling Shrek, talk about her "baby daaddy" and her child talking about her older sister being her favorite "boo..."
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/terrifying-extended-trailer-for-the-new-honey-boo
Friday, August 3, 2012
Four Celebrities that Need to Go AWAY....NOW.
There are a handful of celebrities that I am SO FREAKING SICK OF hearing/seeing/reading about I can't stand it...here they are, and here is why they need to go bury themselves in the Hollywood Hills. In no particular order:::
1.) Kim Kardashian (give or take Kanye West with her)- I've figured out how I'm going to get rich quick. I'm going to blow a rapper, post it on the Internet, get implants in my ass (though, I know for sure I don't need those), make a ridiculous TV show about nothing, date an NBA player, break up with him, get married for a few hours, divorce him, and make sure it's all captured on TV. This should make me rich and popular. For no good reason. Other than I'm a ho with a big ass. There are already a lot of those out there, so I'm not really sure what makes her special, other than she has money...from being a ho...with a big ass. Go away, and take your fugly sisters, mother, and almost transgender step-father with you.
2.) Oprah- Ok, before you all get your panties in a bunch about what a great humanitarian she is, think about why she is such a great humanitarian and why you know this...BECAUSE IT IS ALWAYS DOCUMENTED ON TV. Oprah goes to a third world country....ON TV. Oprah donates a billion dollars to women's shelters...TV. Oprah "gives away" cars to her studio audience....STUDIO AUDIENCE....ON TV. Do not be fooled by her "humbleness." It's a farce. Smoke in mirrors. This woman has duped millions for years now. Maybe she is an OK person, sure. But is she as great as she is made out to be? HELL NO. Do good deeds because you want to. Because you care. Not because you know it's going to be on television and is going to make you look like God's right hand man...or woman. That said, hell yes I watch her Network...but I love me some 48 Hours Mystery Marathons. You can judge that and call me a hypocrite...but I guarantee you, my watching it won't be televised. Go away Oprah, and take the camera with you...you know, to televise it.
3.) Jennifer Lopez- This tranny has twin babies and is parading around with a dude who is half her age. Kudos to her you might think. Sure. Maybe. She looks good, why not flaunt it? Because you have two children who are looking up to you you freaking moron. This new boy toy is going to last for another two months, MAYBE. Then what? Move on to new guys three, four, and five? Congratulations...your kids will watch a revolving door of money grubbing losers, all in the name of you looking, feeling, and keeping up your hooker like tendencies. P.S. stop wearing glitter on your pooner....the Britney Spears circa 1999 look is long gone. Go away, and take your glitter crotch with!
4.) Kristen Stewart- She can't act. She sucks. She's not even as pretty as most dudes think she is. Rob Pattinson is hot....why the EFF would you ever cheat on him? Here is some news for you. Their relationship is a sham anyway. All a publicity ploy to promote Twilight...contract is almost up, move on to a married dude. Why not? He's freaking hot anyway. Ruin a family. Ain't no thang. Twitchy bitch.
So, there it is...the top FOUR celebrities that need to give it up, go away, and keep doing stupid shit so that I can give them even more unnecessary attention by writing about how stupid and overexposed they are. Happy Friday!
1.) Kim Kardashian (give or take Kanye West with her)- I've figured out how I'm going to get rich quick. I'm going to blow a rapper, post it on the Internet, get implants in my ass (though, I know for sure I don't need those), make a ridiculous TV show about nothing, date an NBA player, break up with him, get married for a few hours, divorce him, and make sure it's all captured on TV. This should make me rich and popular. For no good reason. Other than I'm a ho with a big ass. There are already a lot of those out there, so I'm not really sure what makes her special, other than she has money...from being a ho...with a big ass. Go away, and take your fugly sisters, mother, and almost transgender step-father with you.
2.) Oprah- Ok, before you all get your panties in a bunch about what a great humanitarian she is, think about why she is such a great humanitarian and why you know this...BECAUSE IT IS ALWAYS DOCUMENTED ON TV. Oprah goes to a third world country....ON TV. Oprah donates a billion dollars to women's shelters...TV. Oprah "gives away" cars to her studio audience....STUDIO AUDIENCE....ON TV. Do not be fooled by her "humbleness." It's a farce. Smoke in mirrors. This woman has duped millions for years now. Maybe she is an OK person, sure. But is she as great as she is made out to be? HELL NO. Do good deeds because you want to. Because you care. Not because you know it's going to be on television and is going to make you look like God's right hand man...or woman. That said, hell yes I watch her Network...but I love me some 48 Hours Mystery Marathons. You can judge that and call me a hypocrite...but I guarantee you, my watching it won't be televised. Go away Oprah, and take the camera with you...you know, to televise it.
3.) Jennifer Lopez- This tranny has twin babies and is parading around with a dude who is half her age. Kudos to her you might think. Sure. Maybe. She looks good, why not flaunt it? Because you have two children who are looking up to you you freaking moron. This new boy toy is going to last for another two months, MAYBE. Then what? Move on to new guys three, four, and five? Congratulations...your kids will watch a revolving door of money grubbing losers, all in the name of you looking, feeling, and keeping up your hooker like tendencies. P.S. stop wearing glitter on your pooner....the Britney Spears circa 1999 look is long gone. Go away, and take your glitter crotch with!
4.) Kristen Stewart- She can't act. She sucks. She's not even as pretty as most dudes think she is. Rob Pattinson is hot....why the EFF would you ever cheat on him? Here is some news for you. Their relationship is a sham anyway. All a publicity ploy to promote Twilight...contract is almost up, move on to a married dude. Why not? He's freaking hot anyway. Ruin a family. Ain't no thang. Twitchy bitch.
So, there it is...the top FOUR celebrities that need to give it up, go away, and keep doing stupid shit so that I can give them even more unnecessary attention by writing about how stupid and overexposed they are. Happy Friday!
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Why a blog and why now?
So I decided today to start a blog...why now, and why today? Because I realized that I have a lot of random sh*t going on in my head, and what better way to release some of it than to spew it on the Internet. People can read it, or not...whatevs. I make fun of people who have blogs...But, maybe it'll prove to be therapeutic. It's kinda like a journal, but definitely not that deep. Just some of the stuff I think about or come across on a daily basis. Crazy people, stupid people, annoying co-workers, shitty managers, traffic jams, being hungry and not knowing what to eat, whatever. I may as well unleash the chaos in my brain into the cosmos of the Internet...there is worse stuff out there, after all.
So let's start with today's chaos. This is about a co-worker. We'll call him Mike because that is his name. He is also one of those people who only uses the Internet to check on genealogy because Facebook and the like are from the devil, so, it's safe to use his real name. Yes, he is one of those insane Christian people who is one step away from becoming Charles Manson. Ok, maybe not that insane, but you get the point. He preaches his religion one minute, discussing how he makes his kids "court" yet they are not allowed to hold hands with their "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" because they are still "courting." (Side note, his wife was 3 months pregnant when they were married...he doesn't share that detail though. Think they "held hands?") Real Duggar shit here folks. Then, in the next breath, he is calling one of the supervisors a "dyke" and one of the nuns that works here an, "old bitch." Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think the Lord called the masses "dykes" or "bitches." Maybe that's a verse in John that I haven't read yet, but as far as I know, those terms are not very "religious." I'm not a huge religion pusher here, but I do believe that you should treat every human being with decency...if you are going to preach to me about your Christianity every time I see you, you sure as hell better not be calling anyone "dykes" or "old bitches." Seems a bit hypocritical, doncha think?
My point here is, don't hide behind God or religion just to spew your agenda (which trust me, he does, I'll just spare the details.) Be a good human being because you want to. Treat people well, and if you don't like them, keep your mouth shut. Or, start a blog and rip them a new one on there.
So let's start with today's chaos. This is about a co-worker. We'll call him Mike because that is his name. He is also one of those people who only uses the Internet to check on genealogy because Facebook and the like are from the devil, so, it's safe to use his real name. Yes, he is one of those insane Christian people who is one step away from becoming Charles Manson. Ok, maybe not that insane, but you get the point. He preaches his religion one minute, discussing how he makes his kids "court" yet they are not allowed to hold hands with their "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" because they are still "courting." (Side note, his wife was 3 months pregnant when they were married...he doesn't share that detail though. Think they "held hands?") Real Duggar shit here folks. Then, in the next breath, he is calling one of the supervisors a "dyke" and one of the nuns that works here an, "old bitch." Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think the Lord called the masses "dykes" or "bitches." Maybe that's a verse in John that I haven't read yet, but as far as I know, those terms are not very "religious." I'm not a huge religion pusher here, but I do believe that you should treat every human being with decency...if you are going to preach to me about your Christianity every time I see you, you sure as hell better not be calling anyone "dykes" or "old bitches." Seems a bit hypocritical, doncha think?
My point here is, don't hide behind God or religion just to spew your agenda (which trust me, he does, I'll just spare the details.) Be a good human being because you want to. Treat people well, and if you don't like them, keep your mouth shut. Or, start a blog and rip them a new one on there.
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